The Asian Rake

It’s great to be back in North America. I’d thought I’d have to brave bitter cold winds here in the northeast, but we’re going through a warm spell, which would be perfect if it weren’t for the accompanying rain. Still, it’s warmer here now than in Beijing, so I can’t complain

But God, do I miss my girls in Asia. Despite all the technology, like skype and other such programs, they really do seem so far away. I think it’s good for me, though, to take some time for myself and get centered again, away from the pernicious influences of the feminine energy Yeah, right. I don’t think I can last very long as a hermit like this. My work can be very solitary, and right now, I’m beginning the busy season.

Good thing I’ve already lined up a date for Friday… with a white singer babe I know, I know, AR, what happened? How could you go back to white girls?! Well, I haven’t had much time to go scouting for hot Asian chicks, who, I must say, are not nearly as abundant here as I remembered. So I made an exception. Besides, it’s nice to switch things up every once in a while. Note, for those without a sense of humor: This is completely tongue-in-cheek; I love girls of all skin colors

I’m also currently considering writing some more lay reports. Those LRs on my sidebar look lonely. Still, after a while, they get repetitive since the keys to the lay are always the same–the fundamentals. But they do make for good stories, so maybe I’ll report on the inconsequential but entertaining bits. I’m also trying to get away from reporting details about the girls I’m with, as I don’t feel entirely comfortable introducing the girls to guys who already know the details on how I laid them. It’s more of a respect thing. I simply don’t kiss and tell… er, unless there is a highly educational benefit to doing so. Feel free to let me know if you’d like to see more LRs.

Now on to the good stuff.

When I want to make changes to my game, the most effective strategy for me is to get at the root of the problem. That is, I look for the mental states, frames, beliefs that are causing the issue and correct those. And then I work myself into the desired state and only then consider what I would do in the given situation. So:

1. Identify the sticking point.
2. Identify the mental state(s) that is at the root of the problem. This is the undesirable mental state.
3. Identify why and how I got into the undesirable mental state.
4. Generate ways to avoid getting into that mental state again.
5. Identify the mental state(s) that I should be in. This is the desired mental state(s).
6. Get myself into the desired mental state(s).
7. Only then do I consider what I would do on the outside, i.e., what I would say or how I would act.
8. Figure out how I can get and keep myself in the desired mental state.

What I used to do, and what I see a lot of guys, including plenty of supposed gurus, still doing is going straight from step 1 to step 7, and skipping everything in between, as well as the last step. They think that it’s easier to fix the externals, what to say and do, than the internals, what to think and feel.

The problem is that there are hundreds of possibilities of externals that would work in any given situation. That’s just way too much to remember and process. It’s information overload. It’ll take four times as long, and probably longer, to improve that way than by paying proper attention to your mental and emotional states ( I will use “mental state” as a shorthand for “mental and emotional states”).

The other problem is that you have to be one hell of an actor (though my actress friends say that you can’t properly act out an emotional scene unless you’re feeling those emotions, or something very similar, in that moment) because your incorrect mental states will betray you and infect all your externals so that no matter what you say or do, nothing will work. Trust me. I’ve been there.

What these guys will do is to figure out that one clever line: “Oh, if I had just said that one come-back, she’d have been mine!” and then they generalize thusly: “Well, next time, I’ll say that clever come-back line.” But of course, weeks go by before they can pull out that clever line and use it to good effect. Why? Because probably that situation was unique in too many respects to generalize based solely on outer game externals.

It’s better to focus on the internal mental states simply because they really are at the root of the problem, and there are far fewer variations in mental states than in external actions and words. When you are in the right mental state, you can do or say almost anything and still be effective (NB., that’s the real secret of the true natural, but more on that in a later post).

Trying to fix a sticking point by correcting the externals and ignoring the mental states is like treating the symptoms rather than curing the disease. Get to the root of the problem.

Now what I am NOT saying is that verbal content is insignificant. There are plenty of lines, routines, games that work in diverse contexts, and when you’re too nervous or unable to get into state quickly enough, it’s good to fall back on those. Plus, there are some really great verbal techniques, like threadcutting and conversation leading, that are simple to learn and yield tremendous benefits. Also, just plain talking can get you in the right mental state, which is the case for me and is my favorite way of warming up.

Also, this assumes that you already have the fundamentally correct body language. If you don’t, first work on that. This factor probably accounts for the single biggest problem for most guys starting out. If you haven’t got the right body language, that would be your biggest sticking point. And ironically, it’s also one of the easiest things to fix. Just constant attention to it for about 6 weeks, and you’ll hardly ever have to worry about it again. Also, correcting your body language alone can often put you in the correct, desired mental state. You can, though, correct your body language by going into the desirable mental state. But correcting body language is so simple that you can do it right away.

Moreover, I am not saying that physical movement like logistics and kino escalation are unimportant. In fact, you will find that once you’ve got your internal game down pat, the only thing preventing you from hooking up most times is logistics. And sometimes, you also have to remind yourself to step up and kino escalate.

So what I AM saying is that for the vast majority of big sticking points, it’s much faster and more effective to examine the mental state(s) rather than try to tinker with the externals.

For example, one of my biggest sticking points just a year ago was my tonality. In fact, it was so bad that I wasn’t even conscious of it. Other guys would try to point it out, but I wasn’t really aware of it while it was happening. Apparently, my voice changed in a bad way whenever I tried to pick up a girl.

The cure came from Sebastian Drake, who diagnosed the problem immediately. His cure was to get me first to imagine the most beautiful place on earth I’ve ever been (which for me at the time were certain places in Bali, Indonesia) and to soak in the environment. Only then did I open my mouth to speak. And oh, the difference! My tonality became smooth, sensual, and completely relaxed and non-needy.

For a few months thereafter, I had to consciously remind myself to go into that state (what I subsequently called, the “Bali state”) whenever I got nervous talking to a girl. It worked like a charm. Now, I very rarely have to do so because I became unconsciously competent with this kind of tonality. When I’m with a girl of extraordinary beauty, however, I will sometimes get nervous, but all I have to do is access that mental state again by imagining I’m lying on a deserted beach in Bali, and I’m golden.

Another example is being in the mental state of not needing the girl. I can now quickly identify that sinking feeling when I’ve become dependent on a girl’s validation or approval. You know, that feeling you get when you actually care what she thinks of you. F–k, that’s one of the worst feelings in the world for me now! I know that as soon as I’m in that state, it’s just a matter of time, sometime minutes, before I’ve lost her.

So what do I do? I imagine walking away from her and never seeing her ever again and … leading a perfectly happy life without her. I see myself from behind walking away from the girl and towards a bright light and imagine my disassociated self smiling. I then feel a little bit sad (sometimes if she’s an MLTR or FB, I’ll be quite sad) that I won’t see her again, but then I sense a feeling of calm relief and contentment wash over me and the neediness goes away.

Amazingly, whenever I do this, something about my subcommunications changes. I don’t even have to do a take-away physically or verbally. I just do it mentally, and she senses it. Maybe it’s through my eye contact or something, I don’t know. Whatever it is, it’s unconscious. I don’t think about what to say or do. I’m just focusing on the mental state and the externals take care of themselves. Next thing you know, she’s trying to win my approval again. It’s like magic.

Another great example comes from having the proper “Focus” when socializing. I understand this in much the same way as theApproach. What should occupy 90%+ of your mental energy when you are out socializing boils down to three simple things:
1. Have fun.
2. Socialize and make other people have fun.
3. Make connections and see if people meet your standards.

Only 10% or less of your mental energy should be consumed by techniques, waypoints, logistics (ideally you’ll have worked out most of the logistics beforehand), and everything else.

Being in the right mental state(s) will make all the difference when you’re talking to all kinds of people, not just hot girls.

Guys have been wondering how I’ve been able to improve so fast. I think this is the key. Now, when I make improvements to my game, I think almost entirely in terms of what I should be thinking about and feeling. I go through as many of the above eight steps as possible. Before you know it, I’ve conquered another sticking point.

Happy playin’, The Asian Rake.